You think you've had a rough time

I think all things considered, I've held it together quite well.  But everyone has a breaking point right?  Yesterday Kate didn't have a fever and although she was still coughing a lot she was doing better with that too.  Then the call from her Dr.'s office came in and they told me the radiologist that looked at her chest x-rays from Tuesday felt like she had a little pneumonia.  Great.  So I pretty much decided to go ahead and keep my hyper, incredibly bored child home yet another day.  Oh and Aidan is starting to cough a little and sneeze a whole lot.  So far he doesn't have a fever.

Kate clearly is in need of some social interaction with someone other then her crazy Mother, baby brother, and various characters on the Disney channel.  Yesterday she thought it would be a good idea to color on the walls, the coffee table, and 2 bath towels with paint pens while Aidan and I were napping RIGHT THERE and then proceeded to get into Aidan's baby swing and strap herself in.  She's a good 15 pounds over the weight limit and when I awoke to the phone ringing I found her strapped in without her pants or underwear on.  Why you might ask didn't she wake me up so I could help her get out?  Why you might ask was she not wearing underwear or pants?  She was afraid of getting in trouble (duh- of course I wasn't going to be pleased) and because she was trying to get loose and thought removing the "bulk" of panties and thin pajama pants might help.

Then there's the bouncing around, squealing during Aidan's naps, and the reenactments of some Shakespeare worthy poisoning scenes every time I have to give her Tamiflu.  She acted shocked when I told her Aidan took it better the she did.  Of course he eats veggies too so I'm sure she thinks he's a  little nuts.  So in essence I'm tired.  I'm tired of feeling rundown, not sleeping well, having coughing, feverish, snotty, pukey (which re-started today as well after a 2 day reprieve) and grumpy or hyper kids.  I just want to take a hot bath with bubbles and not have someone bug me.  I want to eat my pancakes without having to keep Kate from essentially eating Aidan's cheeks or taking his toy away.  I want these kids on Nick to stop singing the same damn song over and over again.  Why won't they stop singing!!  I'm going to have that stupid song in my head all day.  I want my husband to come home and I want to head to a luxury hotel and get pampered for a few days- since we're talking about things that ain't gonna happen.

Then last night was the kicker.  I had a massive anxiety attack.  I've had a few in my life and this was probably the worst.  The kids were asleep and I had just finished watching a particularly unsettling episode of Grey's Anatomy that the entire time I was watching I kept thinking I should just stop because it was making me nervous, and Oh never mind I'll just keep watching.  It was about a woman who died an unnecessary death because of a freak situation.  I sat up and was going to get Kate moved to her bed and realized my neck was really sore.  That was all it took.

When Daniel called this morning our conversation went like this... Him: "How's it going?"  Me: "Well... Kate is puking again, last night I couldn't sleep because I thought I was going to die in my sleep because I thought I had meningitis or carbon monoxide poisoning.  Then my head started hurting but not a normal headache a weird headache like none I've ever had before and then it started tingling.  Then my chest hurt, I felt like I couldn't breathe or swallow, I felt dizzy, and I had visions of having to drive myself to the hospital and I was scared to go to sleep because if I died I wasn't sure Kate would know what to do when she found me dead the next morning."  Then after he stopped in a questionable area to use the bathroom he called me back and said, "Hey I didn't get mugged!"  I replied, "Hey I didn't die in my sleep!"  His response..."Long distance high-five!"  Yep we're weird like that.

Yes the conversation was one big run on sentence, yes it was disturbing at the time but I can laugh about it now,  and yes I realized I was having a panic attack after surfing the Internet, checking the carbon monoxide detector, putting a heating pad on my neck, and eating some oreos.  I'm not sure the last part helped all that much but hey you've got to try anything.

I finally did go to sleep around 2 and relaxed as much as one can given the present situation, and am now counting down the hours until my husband comes home to rescue me.  Oh my word they're playing that song again!  Boycott the Fresh beat band!  Do it now!